A Human Experience
by jewelzers
Summary: Bella recieves a human experience courtesy of Emmett. Edward is furious, especially after he sees the tape of Bella's performance while she was completley wasted.
1. One Way Or Another

**A/N: I own nothing. That honor is Stephenie Meyer's I do however enjoy playing with her characters!**

**Please Review and let me know what you think.**

**Also, if you see a grammar or spellin mistake, let me know!**

**Enjoy!**

**-Jewelzers**

"WHOOO!!!" Bella screamed as her fist pumped in the air….

"I love this song" all of a sudden the young brunette jumped on stage and grabbed the mike from the stand..

"One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha …." Bella screamed into the mike swinging her hips from side to side violently. (**A/n: you will find out more about her little performance later in the story)**

Emmett whistled at her and filled the bar with his booming laugh

"Wow Emmett, you are surely going to die for this" Alice reminded him.

"Although I would say it's worth it, especially since we will have it to watch anytime" she commented as she held up the video camera which was reocrding all of the night's events.

Soon, Bella's performance to Blondie ended and she swayed her way back to where Emmett and Alice were sitting, getting plenty of cat calls on the way.

Bella was indeed drunk. Edward went on a hunting trip with Carlisle and Jasper. He went hunting more frequently lately to prepare for his wedding night. Emmett had graciously declined their invitation to join them so he could carry out his plans with a human experience for Bella. He knew Edward would probably kill him when he got back, but Emmett was hoping Bella would calm Edward down.

So after a week of heavily guarded thoughts, here were Emmett and Alice witnessing their favorite human as she was completely intoxicated.

Bella almost made it to the table without falling, which was quite impressive especially in her current state. But, being Bella she almost did a face plant when she misjudged where her chair was.

"Heyyy Em…long time no see" Bella slurred out

" Yeah , well Bells I'm pretty sure everyone saw that little performance. Who knew our favorite human could sing.."

Bella snorted and started giggling uncontrollably.

"Uh oh" Alice said while pulling out her phone.

10 seconds later it rang. Alice answered it.

"ALICE WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" Edward's voice bellowed out of the phone

"Uh, we are just out with Bella, Edward please settle down. She's alright"

"ALRIGHT, YOU AND EMMETT TOOK HER TO A BAR, DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. ROSALIE WAS THINKING ABOUT IT AS SOON AS I GOT HOME. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? I EXPECT THIS FROM EMMETT, BUT NOT YOU! PUT HER ON THE PHONE NOW!!"

Alice handed the phone over to Bella

"heeey Eddie, you missed my singing." Bella pouted

"Bella are you ok?"

"I'm fine Eddie Weddie…well except everythings kinda fuzzy.." Bella started to giggle

" Oh my god, Bella are you drunk?"

"hehe why Eddie im shocked how could you think such a thing." Bella giggled again.

"Put Alice back on" Edward said harshly while pinching the bridge of his nose…


	2. Puss in Boots and Asprin

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed so fast. I have had alot of support! Thanks, you guys rock.**

**I would like to say that I know the characters are slightly OOC, but remember you were thrown in the middle of the story and Bella is indeed drunk, so she obviously will not be herself!**

**Disclaimer: Once again I own NOTHING..except the plot of the story. All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Enjoy!**

**-Jewelzers**

"_Put Alice back on" Edward said harshly while pinching the bridge of his nose…_

Bella obliged, still giggling and handed the phone to Alice.

"Alice get her home NOW!" Edward demanded.

"Edward there is no need to be unpleasant, Emmett and I have been watching her all night. She is ok, maybe a little tipsy.."

"A LITTLE?...SHE CALLED ME EDDIE!!!"

"Maybe she just likes calling you Eddie.."

"Alice, you know as well as I do that she is aware of my disgust for that awful name. Now GET HER HOME!"

"Manners!" Alice screamed, but Edward had already hung up on her.

Alice turned to face Bella who had her cheek against Emmett's shoulder

"Emmerozz?" Bella asked

"Yeah Bella.."

"Why are you so big?"

Emmett stared down at her trying not to laugh while Alice burst out into laughter at Bella's ridiculous question.

"Ok Alice I think we should leave now." Emmett suggested

"Couldn't agree with you more Emmerozz " Alice said taunting him.

"Plus," she added "we need to return Mr. Uptight's fiancée to him before he breaks everything in the house."

"Oh No, I just replaced the last plasma TV he broke…" Emmett darted out of the bar anxious to get back to check on his TV.

"Come on Bella" Alice said.

Bella pouted like a three year old and laid across her and Emmett's chairs.

"I don't wanna go Alice" she whined.

"Bella do not make me carry you out of here" Alice warned

"Fine I'll come, but I still wanna have fun"

"Good luck with that when we get to Edward" Alice mumbled under her breath.

Bella was half leaning on Alice while moving her arms around violently as she explained in great detail the plot of Puss in Boots.

"..and I was always afraid of him till Shrek came out and then I decided I want to be a kick –ass cat in boots.." Bella rambled, now safely inside Emmett's Jeep as it sped back to Fork's.

Two minutes later Bella was going on and on about her and Edward's first kiss, suddenly Alice got a dazed out look and instructed Emmett to pull into the 1st gas station they came upon.

Alice went inside and was back in less than a minute will a huge water bottle and some asprin.

"Good thinking Alice" Emmett congratulated her.

"I saw Edward being more forgiving, if we bought provisions for the nasty hangover she's going to have in the morning. Now let's get home before Edward comes and hunts us down!"

Bella was still mumbling to herself, this time about strawberry yogurt the whole way back to the Cullen's house.

**A/N: I am sorry this chapter is not very exciting, but I need a transition till getting back to Edward. The next chapter is indeed Edward's reaction and it will reveal more of what Alice caught on the videotape... Please Review!**


	3. Dave?

**A/N: I decided to post this before bed tonight. I was going to keep going on this, but I had alot of anxious reviewers, so here is your Good night present.**

**I promise a long chapter or multiple chapters tomarrow, so as to not keep you waiting!**

**Thanks for all the Reviews!**

**Enjoy!**

**-Jewelzers**

_Bella was still mumbling to herself, this time about strawberry yogurt the whole way back to the Cullen's house._

Edward was pacing back in forth in front of the door.

He was trying to calm himself down so that he would be able to resist hurting Emmett severely. He would have to come up with a sudden plan of revenge towards Alice later.

"Edward, Stop pacing!" Esme commanded "They were just giving Bella a fun night off from all the stress of the wedding"

Edward was still and just concentrated on breathing in and out, although he knew it would do him no good when the three of them walked through that door. How had Emmett and Alice blocked this from him? They hadn't even been thinking about anything obscure lately.

Then he heard them. The Jeep was close. Alice was taunting him in her head calling him "Eddie" all over again in her mind. She had too much confidence when it came to seeing plots against her. Edward would have to think of something good, but keep changing his mind to pull it off. He smiled at the idea of sweet, well-thought out revenge. Emmett was too easy he would take a beating and maybe Rose would help by suspending Emmett's touching rights. Edward laughed mischievously.

Edward focused on the happenings in the Jeep. He could hear Bella mumbling about strawberry yogurt. Then her smell hit him. He could smell the alcohol levels in her blood. He growled. Her scents natural smell was not as potent as the alcohol swirled in her blood stream.

"It's worse than I thought" Carlisle commented.

"Edward please just focus on taking care of Bella when they get here please.." Esme pleaded with him.

"Fine, but I WILL deal with them later" Edward snarled.

Edward heard the Jeep pull into the garage and Emmett take a few unnecessary deep breaths.

Edward stood as patiently as possible for the door to open.

He heard Bella gasp and then start singing at the top of her lungs…

"I can't get no satisfaction and I try and I try and I try…I can't get no no no no…"

Edward searched the minds of Alice and Emmett to see how worse for wear Bella looked; he didn't find anything. That was a bad sign.

Edward closed his eyes and prepared for the worst as the door slowly opened…

Bella was still belting the song and gasping, Edward opened his eyes to see what was causing her heavy breathing, his jaw dropped…

There was Bella in her jeans and heeled boots Alice forced her into with her blue button down shirt tied Britney style just under her ribs exposing her back to Edward, because she was flung potato-style over Emmett's shoulder.

Bella was still attempting to belt as her face got bright red and she swung her hair around.

"Emmett put her down before she passes out, can you not see all the blood rushing to her face?" Edward said as calmly as he could manage.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Edward wished he hadn't told his brother to put Bella down. There on Bella's stomach, in what looked like permanent marker was a telephone number, with the name Dave written in block letters just above it…

**Sorry for the semi-cliffy...I promise I'll make it up to you!**


	4. Calm Before the Tempest

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to repost my life has been kinda crazy.. This chapter is also shorter, but I want everything set up for where I am taking this story**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own!! All Stephenie Meyer's**

**Enjoy and please review!**

**-Jewelzers**

"_As soon as the words left his mouth, Edward wished he hadn't told his brother to put Bella down. There on Bella's stomach, in what looked like permanent marker was a telephone number, with the name Dave written in block letters just above…"_

Edward's jaw stayed in its dropped position as his fiancée swayed her way over to him.

"Eddie, Eddie.. I missed you!" Bella slurred.

She almost fell flat on the floor as she tried to kiss his cheek. Edward momentarily snapped out of his shock as he caught her around her face and pulled her so she was standing looking directly at him.

"Bella would care to explain the phone number on your stomach?" Edward asked barely controlling his temper.

"Huh" came Bella's brilliant reply.

"THE PHONE NUMBER ON YOUR STOMACH!!" Edward roared, he was sick of not getting answers from anyone tonight.

"Relax Edward, he was just showing his appreciation for Bella's performance." Emmett chuckled.

Edward's eyes reached a new level of black as he contemplated the best position to set Bella in so he could charge at his imbecile of a brother. He started to shake with rage.

"EDWARD! Control yourself NOW!" Esme commanded.

Edward relaxed slightly.

"Now, get Bella into bed and give her some aspirin. Alice and Emmett will explain and apologize to everyone in the morning! Am I clear?" Esme scolded.

"Yes" everyone answered their eyes towards the floor, well except Bella who was mumbling about My Little Pony.

Edward carried Bella upstairs and sat her on the bed and proceeded to make her take two aspirin and drink most of the huge water.

"Sleep love" Edward told her.

Bella rolled over and mumbled incoherently before passing out into a deep slumber. Very unlady-like snores erupted from her mouth almost immediately, and Edward couldn't decide to be disturbed or find this funny.

For once, Bella was silent throughout the night…

Alice sat in her room with Jasper.

They were watching the tape of that night's events with the sound almost completely off and they carried a conversation over it while blocking their thoughts.

Edward did not get a glimpse of this yet.

Jasper was barely able to control himself as he watched his sister-in-law to be acting completely out of character.

When Bella got onstage and unbuttoned her shirt almost all the way to tie it up and started grinding on the microphone pole, Jasper turned to his wife and said "Didn't know she had it in her, wait till Edward finds out. Maybe he'll rethink his boundaries!'

Alice and Jasper laughed quietly together and continued to watch the best footage they had ever seen.

"Do you think we should send this to Girls Gone Wild?" was the last question Jasper asked his wife before heading to show the footage to Emmett and Rose.


End file.
